I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
