He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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