1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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