i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
