Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
