I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my liver is dry heaving
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
