I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
