I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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