I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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