Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
