naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
