i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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