Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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