Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
