I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Randomize
