I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
