Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
