based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
