I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
