There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
