You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
