This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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