dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
