in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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