Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
