using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
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we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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