i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
