Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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