If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
