I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
