Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
