you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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