i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
