I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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