Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
