I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
