tell your sister to shave her snatch
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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