his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
two words...techno handjob
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
