I'm so fucking centered right now
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
