and she was petting her beer can
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
