thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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