It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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