I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
