Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
