Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
