I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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