he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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