when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
