dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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