YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
