I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
