The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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