Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
