just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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