He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
