Please don't use social media to get back at me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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