P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
