Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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