This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
