You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
