so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
