if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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