btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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