she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
