You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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