Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ

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(520): View more from Arizona

I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head

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(727): View more from Florida

found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.

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(812): View more from Indiana

And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.

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(619): View more from California

Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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(1978): View more from

He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle

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